THE CONTORTED LOVE...

Meera was pulling her SUV into a petrol pump in the morning when she noticed Jai, tanking up his brand new Audi. As always Jai looked very dashing. His glares suited him well and so did his tapered pants and Golf tee.

No wonder, he was born with a silver spoon. It was easy for girls to fall in love with him. But Meera was an exception. She was an Architect with brimming confidence. Probably not as rich as Jai, but Meera definitely belonged to an affluent family.

Around 5 years ago, they had first met at an exhibition at Jahangir Art Gallery. They hit it off instantly, since both were creative. Their frequent calls soon turned into meetings and before they could realise, they were in love.

Meera had liked him for his brains and not looks. Once, while they were off to Italy for a holiday, she had fleetingly mentioned to him about Arjun.  Arjun was Meera's special friend for over 2 years. They were crazily in love, but somehow, their ego clashes drifted them apart. This revelation probably had hurt Jai somewhere. However, he dismissed the conversation with another cup of fresh Italian hot brew .

All was well between these two except for one thing. Meera was not willing to take the plunge with  Jai yet. She wasn't sure if she really wanted to spend her life and grow old with him. After chasing her with this proposal for almost a year, Jai was getting restless. He was not the one to fight, argue or raise his voice to prove his point. He kept calm and decided to bide his time and get a clear picture about their relationship very soon.

A month or so later, Jai happened to spot a Meera look-alike at a pub with some guy late at night. Though he was unsure, Jai decided to approach the girl and confront her. As he was about to step away from his table to go towards the couple, he heard a little scream. A lady had probably slipped and fell on the dance floor. Being a gentleman, he quickly paced towards her and helped her to her feet. He turned around to get back to the look-alike, only to realise that the couple had disappeared. He shook his head in dismay and walked away..

Jai never brought this up with Meera. He didn't want to be seen as a suspicious boyfriend...'well' he thought to himself, 'what if there is someone else in Meera's life?' He shrugged off the thought. But he was determined to get a final nod from Meera.

They decided to meet over for dinner followed by a movie at his home theatre. Since he had his own place away from his parents, Jai could indulge in his leisurely time with Meera or his former girlfriends and other casual friends there.

By noon, Meera had finished her work and she decided to go shopping at the nearby mall.  A slight pat on her back made her  jump in surprise. There was this girl whom she had spotted many a times at local pubs and fancy restaurants. She introduced herself as Sonia, Jai's good friend, and they sat themselves down at a cafe for a tête-à-tête.

That evening Jai had made elaborate arrangements for the dinner date. With the best of daisies and dahlias, he had decorated his bedroom with utter perfection. There were tea lights and aromatic candles all over. The bed had silk covers and pastel lace sheets and the lights were dim, making it perfect night for  love-making. He was all excited about the evening and was hoping to get a positive reply from Meera.

But, at dinner, Meera seemed very upset and quiet. There was no connection between the two. There was no excitement during their intimacy. She refused to kiss or get close to him. After a long pause Jai finally popped the question to her. She frantically got up from her place and paced up and down the room. She seemed furious. All she said to Jai was 'How could you?!!!'

Jai was dumbstruck. He didn't know where he had gone wrong. .  Her eyes were red and full of tears. She grabbed her car keys and flung the door open. Within a minute she was gone. He just stood there watching her leave.

Jai thought for a while and then asked his house maids to clean up the place while he blew away all the candles. He realised Meera wasn't coming back.

Almost 4 years had gone by and there was no news from Meera after that evening. She had probably moved on with her life and so had he.

And today, unexpectedly, out of nowhere they were face to face. Meera was still driving her old SUV and looking the same, only this time, she had a  little baby girl in the back seat. With awkward smiles they decided to sip coffee at a nearby cafe. 

Jai ran out of icebreakers and eventually asked her straight up about her sudden disappearance from his life. Meera gave up, all her composure fell by with the outpour of her pent up angst. 

'Jai', she said, 'I was all excited to meet you that evening. I decided to buy some gifts for you and visited the nearby mall. There I met Sonia'. Jai managed to somehow hide his amused and shocked look. 'Sonia was getting married, it was an arranged nuptial. She had to meet me alone because she was badly in need of help and wasn't sure whom to turn to. She wanted to abort her pregnancy. And whose child was she carrying? Yours, Jai !!!.  Sonia told me about your fling with her, and also about the other girls you had duped earlier. She had not aborted the child earlier, hoping you would keep your promise of marrying her.' 

'She had no one to turn to, and was hoping that I would be able to understand her situation and help her out. Sonia did not have the courage to ask for help from her family and so, wanted to quietly close the matter. She also wanted to warn me about having a relationship with you.  You had kept both of us in the dark. I had made up my mind about not seeing you ever, but still came half-heartedly to your place that evening.' 

'After I left your house, I called Sonia and assured her that I would help her in every way possible. I knew I would need help in fulfilling my promise to Sonia, and reached out to the one person  who would stand by me in any situation. Arjun came down immediately to meet Sonia and me. He had known all along about my relationship with you, but was more than forthcoming to offer help. Arjun asked me if he should confront you and get you back to your senses, and believe me, he could do that with ease. However, both Sonia and I were against it, because we had liked you in our own way and didn't think we could be the judges of your character.'

'Thereafter, we consulted a gynaec for the abortion, but the doctor's opinion was that it would be too risky to abort the child at that stage. The three of us consulted some of the best doctors, but all of them had the same conclusion. . Sonia had to carry on with the pregnancy.'

'She delivered a premature baby in the 7th month.  The delivery was extremely complicated and due to excessive blood loss Sonia lost her life. Her parents had already alienated her when they got to know about her pregnancy and had suffered enough humiliation due to the cancelled wedding.'

Meera wiped the lone tear from her cheek and continued, 'I volunteered to look after the baby and decided to give her all that a mother would. Khushi is now, my baby. I love her more than my life. She is 3 yrs old already.' Meera trailed off...

Just then a man walked into the cafe. With a warm hug to Meera, he smiled at Jai expressing a gentle hello. Jai smiled back with a handshake introducing himelf. He said, 'Hi ! i am Arjun, Meera's husband. Have you met my my daughter Khushi?'...

THE UNKNOWN TRUTH

Sunanda had been working at our place since she was 11. She accompanied her mother Shobha bai every morning in her school uniform and would leave by 11:30 am to reach school. My mom usually made tiffin for her along with our tiffins. My old school bag, compass box, water bags, unused books, pens etc.. would all be handed over to Sunanda. She was a bright student. She would often stand next to us on weekends to see what we would be studying. She always smelled of Lifebuoy soap and her hair oily but well combed. Her dresses were always mine and she always wore slippers. She was dark complexioned weakling, but she was always cheerful. Sunanda was 1 year junior to me but looked tiny and frail.

As years passed we reached 9th and 10th respectively. I had tons of tuitions and I would be ferried from one class to another by our Driver kaka. My schedule was so hectic that I hardly had time to sit back n spend time with my best friend 'my mom'. I hated this part so much !

And then that day arrived when I caught fever and was advised by the doctor to take rest, so obviously no school and no tuitions. Oh, What Fun !! I was hoping that mom would pamper me the whole day like she always did through my childhood, when I fell sick. But as the clock struck 5 pm, in walked Sunanda with her books and she sat on the carpet. Mother sat beside her tutoring her for 2 long hours. By then My Dad returned from work. I looked gleefully at him but he seemed busy. He then walked straight to the drawing room and dictated a few notes of science to Sunanda...he also cleared few of her Maths doubts.

I fumed! Why on earth was everybody tending Sunanda? Why was everyone so kind to her? It was my time with my people and why was she meddling in my life? Why was everyone giving importance to a maid's daughter? I lost my cool...I dashed out to the living room and yelled hard at her " Why are you still here? Can't you study at home? As it is, you have been using my stuff since childhood and I have never uttered a word but now you are even encroaching on my personal space...they are my parents and this is my time with them!! Just get out of my house right now!!!"

Sunanda froze. Her eyes welled up and she ran out of the house like a lightning bolt. Nobody spoke anything for a moment. Then my Father turned to me and said " What's wrong with you Medha? I can understand your point of view but this is not the way to react and handle a situation".. My mom had lost her temper by now. She screamed at me like no man's business. She said "Do you even have slightest idea why me and your dad are helping Sunanda? It is so easy to yell at somebody and ask them to leave, but did you even put a thought before acting in such a crazy manner? Sunanda was getting married when she was 11yrs old. Me and your father intervened and stopped this act. Her father was very furious. He created a big scene. Shobha bai too was against us. Since then he would regularly beat Sunanda and would threaten to kick her out of the house. Then one day Sunanda came to our house and narrated her agony. She said she wanted to study further but her family won't let her. So we spoke to her parents again. After a lot of persuasion they said that if Sunanda fails even once then she will have to stop her studies and either get married or become a domestic maid."

"Sunanda aspires to become an engineer. She doesn't know what an engineer is but she wants to be one because Medha you want to be one. You are her role model. She says if I have worn didi's clothes , used her stuff all my life then I should return the favour by being someone like her! so me and your dad have been spending time to give her tuitions, pay her fees and help her fulfil her dreams which in turn are woven by her to impress you...Now tell us Medha, Are we wrong? Are we being unfair to you?..."

Tears rolled down my cheeks and I was speechless....

 

P.S - I LOVE U DAD ...

This is my story. I am too young to write one though, but somehow I have tried to put forth my little secrets to tell you all. I am Siya, I study in the first standard and I am 6 years old. My mommy Kavita is the most beautiful mom on earth and papa Amit is the best, but an angry young man. He gets too upset over small things and is generally angry with me most of the times. I always ask mom why he is like this and she says ‘he is too occupied with work and is always under work pressure’.

My house is on the 10^th lane of Janakpath. We have a small bungalow with white wooden fencing and a lush green lawn. We also have a small swing and a sand-pit. Mom has specially got it made for me!

I also have a separate bedroom. It is pink in colour and I have loads of pink toys in there. I also have many dolls. Mom says that I am her doll. She has put up lots of my photographs on the wall. Right from my birth till my 6^th birthday, she has gathered all possible memories and she says she has captured world’s best fairy in her camera. I look so much like mom.

Mom and dad’s room is full of pictures too, but they have not put up any of my photos. I feel very sad. Whenever I ask mom about this she says that I live in her heart so why does she need one? The drawing room has a small frame with my picture though. Mom and dad’s big wedding photo-frame is as tall as I am and is put up on the bold blue wall. I always wonder why they never took me along for this wedding snap?

Papa never drops me to school. I always wanted him to lift me up and put me in the car like Charu’s dad. He also never comes to pick me from school. I always want to hug him when he comes back from work but he lightly pushes me away saying he is too tired. We do go out on Sundays to McDonald’s or playstations but he never talks much. On his birthday, I had made a big greeting card with red and yellow balloons painted on it. When I gave it to him, after brushing my teeth, he just said ‘Thank You’ and put it aside. I thought a hug would have made me happy.

But I love dad. He smiles when I show him my drawings. He also takes me to office for the ‘Kids @ work’ day. I like when dad lifts me while I am asleep in the car. Sometimes I even pretend to be asleep. He also helps me cross the road.

I remember the day when dad was trying to impress mom. He tried to make a pizza and it all got burnt. Mom was laughing all the way, but I had loved the melted cheese. So I told him it was “yumm”. He kissed me and said ‘thank you’. I was very happy that day. How I wished dad would have kissed me everyday! I would have eaten all the burnt pizza daily without any complaints!

---

It was once when Santa was going to come. I love Christmas, only because Santa gives all of what you want. Mom says, he is God’s messenger. He knows what each little child wants. So I should write him a letter a week before Christmas to tell him about the best gift I want. I should then leave the letter near the terrace door so that Santa can take it away. Then he would talk to God and arrange for the gifts. So, I wrote a letter.

Dearest Santa Claus,

I am Siya. I love you very much. Mom says I am a good girl and so I can ask you for anything I want. I won’t ask for many things, I promise.

I want a dolly, just like Anushka. The one which wears a pink frock and which sneezes all the time. Anushka’s dad got it for her from Inorbit mall. Can you get it for me too? Then I want a box of Nutties, Mars, new clothes and a toy-pram for my dolly, Twinkle. Guess that should be all.

Santa, mom says you can talk to God. Can you please ask him to do some magic so that dad can love me. Please also send some gifts for mom and dad too. Thank you.

Love,

Siya.

I folded it neatly and placed it near the terrace door. I asked mom to leave the door open so that Santa could come in. She smiled and put me to sleep.

The next morning Dad asked me if I had written a letter to Santa and also what I had asked for. I said it was a secret and he laughed aloud and pulled my cheeks. Though it pained but I loved daddy noticing me.

I always try to copy mom. Whenever mom goes out, she asks dad how is she looking. I try to do the same. Whenever I dress up nicely I stand in front of dad and show him my dress. He smiles and says ‘Nice’. Once when I was going for Charu’s birthday party, I had worn a pink frock. Mom had put pink ribbons and pink clips on me. My stockings had heart shapes on them and my bellies were pink too. When I showed it to dad, he called me ‘Little pink fairy’ and said that I needed a new frock cause I had grown taller. I was very happy. I thought dad would buy me a pink dress and then I would show it to all my friends. Every evening when dad would return home from work, I would hurriedly run to him hoping that he had bought the dress. But it seems he had forgotten about it.

---

Neeta buaa and her daughter Anu had come to our house for Christmas vacations. Anu is a nice girl but she is 2 years elder to me. So maybe she is a little snob. She doesn’t share her toys with me. Neeta buaa is nice but she brings very small gifts. Mom’s office-friend, Payal aunty, always gives me big gifts. I love Payal aunty. In fact all of mom’s friends are nice. They say I look completely like mom. But I think I have a small nose like dad.

On Christmas night, I got lots of gifts from Santa. I was very happy. Anu also had her stockings tied next to mine. So maybe Santa gave her a few gifts from my letter too. The next day dad came home early, he had a big packet with him. He called for Anu. Even I ran to daddy. He gave the big bag to Anu and she hurriedly opened it. The bag had a same frock like mine, but in Anu’s size. I thought dad must have got one for me too. So I asked him, “Dad, where is my dress?” Dad replied, “Oh Siya, I forgot that you also wanted one, plus Santa has given you so many gifts already”. I felt very sad. I went to mom and cried a lot. She promised me a new pink fairy dress by the next day. As promised, mom did buy one the next evening, but I was too sad to accept it. I wanted daddy to bring it for me. Mom didn’t say anything. She just hugged me and cried.

---

One Sunday I had gone to Ice-Station with mom and dad. We all had lots of ice-cream. I love their Swiss Chocolate flavor and so I had two scoops. Mom was warning me against eating so much ice-cream, but I couldn’t resist. The very next day I felt sick. My nose was blocked and my throat hurt. I was running 103^o fever. Mom got worried. It meant that she had to miss her work and stay at home for me. I heard dad grumbling inside his room saying that I should have not eaten so much ice-cream. Mom was nodding quietly. She took me to the doctor. I was diagnosed with throat infection and was asked to take a lot of colourful syrups. I hate taking those. They smell so bad. I only love Becosules, it tastes so nice. Sometimes I gulp down a few sips without telling mom. Mom decided to go to work as dad was going late himself. He had a lot of work to complete. I heard them talk a couple of times where dad was saying, “If this presentation goes well my promotion is more or less guaranteed. I have worked very hard on this for the past one year and now it is time to show it to my seniors. I can’t afford to let this opportunity slip. It has to go right.”

I had also seen him work hard through the nights. He would just sit with his laptop and spend hours working. When I had asked him for a paper to draw, he had told me to not touch anything. Specially the big black folder which had all the important papers. He gave me a rough page and I made a nice picture of myself and dad. When I showed it to him, he just smiled and said, “Go, show it to mom”. I was glad he liked it. Dad was working on his so-called presentation for almost a week. Mom said it was like daddy’s exams. If he did well, he could become Senior Director. I asked, “Does it mean, only if he comes first?”. She just laughed and hugged me tight. I love mom, she is so cute.

It was the second day of my fever. I had missed school. Mom had strictly asked me to lie down. My fever was being suppressed by Combiflam. But my body was weak. I felt dizzy if I walked around. I didn’t feel like eating anything, not even the Swiss Chocolate ice-cream! God then I must be really sick. Dad was telling mom in the morning that he was almost done with his presentation and was giving final touches. Mom had kept his best suit ready for the occasion. Dad looked very handsome when he wore blazers. I always wanted to show him around in my school. When he had come for my school’s annual function, Anshu had said that my dad looked like Aamir Khan. When I told dad, he laughed aloud.

It was almost noon, I knew it was time for dad to leave. He looked so tense. He was also shouting at Nandu, for not cleaning his car well. I did not make any noise. I was lying down quietly on the bed, because when dad gets angry, nobody can talk. He was getting a lot of calls from his office-friends. He was in no good mood is all I could understand. I wanted to wish him ‘Good Luck’, so I tried going to him. But by the time I reached the drawing room, he was out in his car. I waved at him, but he did not notice.

As I turned to go towards my room, I saw daddy’s important black folder on the couch. Guess he had forgotten it. Hurriedly I called dad on his cell phone, but it was not reachable. I panicked. I didn’t know what to do. But all of what I could understand was that in any case, the folder should reach dad. I called up Charu’s house to see if her dad was at home to help. Nobody answered the call. Nandu had also left by then. I knew I had to do something. So I went to my room, changed my night pajamas and broke my piggy. It did hurt to break it, cause Naani had given it to me with so much love. But I threw it hard on the floor and it broke open. I picked up all possible notes and stacked them in my little jacket’s pocket. I picked the black folder and was ready to go. I wasn’t sure of daddy’s office road, so I quickly grabbed his visiting card from the closet drawer and headed towards the door. Just then I thought of mom! If I ever got lost, then what would mom do! She would never get another fairy like me. So, I called Leena aunty who sits at the reception with lots of make-up. I asked not to transfer the call, but take down my message, “Dear mom, I am going to dad’s office urgently. You need not worry, I shall be safe”. Even before Leena aunty could ask me any questions, I hung up.

I reached on the main road and found an auto-rickshaw. The auto uncle was an old man called Mohammed chacha. He told me his name, while we rode to the office. I gave him daddy’s card and asked him to drop me there. At first, he seemed hesitant, but I assured him that mom had given me the money and had herself asked me to go. I thought he believed me. He took me through some small and big lanes. I knew some roads and some I didn’t. I prayed hard so I shouldn’t get lost and also not fall asleep during the ride. I told him about daddy's exams and why the black folder had to reach him. Hearing this he started riding the auto faster. I was happy that he was following my instructions. After around half an hour, he dropped me at daddy’s office. I gave him all the money I had, cause I couldn’t really count and do the math. He smiled and returned some of the money and waited till I entered the office building. The security guy wasn’t letting me in even though Mohammed chacha had requested him to let me pass through. So, I threatened I would call my dad’s name right there from the gate. He let me in. I grinned ear to ear and walked in. It feels so good when elders listen to you.

I passed through the main door and reached the lobby on the 3^rd floor. The aunty at the reception had given me a visitor pass, but the security on the 3^rd floor wasn’t letting me in. I told him my dad’s name and he called up at his desk. But dad was not in his cabin. So, he asked me to wait. I was very tired but I knew if I waited dad would be in trouble. His presentation would start! After a few minutes Jyoti aunty saw me and generally came to pull my cheeks. I asked her where dad was and she said he was in the conference room on the far left, but I was not allowed to go in there. She got a call on her cell-phone and she went away. I knew I had to get in there. The security uncle was neither accepting the black folder nor letting me take it to dad. I had no option but to sneak in. I made up my mind and ran inside towards the conference room. The security yelled and ran behind asking me to stop. But I knew no bounds, ”This was dad’s important day and he had to have the folder. It was his exam and he had to come first” is all I knew.

I reached outside the conference room and knocked. The security tried pulling me away, but I didn’t budge. I knocked again, the door was not latched and I could go in. I opened the door and there were almost fifteen people sitting around a big oval table. There was a big screen on one end. Dad was sitting very far, facing away from the door. All heads turned towards me. I slowly but bravely said, “Excuse me, can I come in?” I was so scared and then I clearly saw dad. He looked all tensed and was continuously calling from his cell-phone. After he noticed me, he just kept staring at my face. I quickly pulled out the folder from my bag and ran towards him. I said, “Dad, your folder was into my bag. I am so sorry, I took it last night without asking you, and so I have come to give it back, because I knew it was very important. Today is your exam, na?” He took the folder and picked me up. He didn’t say a word, just hugged me tight for a very long time. Tears rolled down his cheeks, he kissed me and said, “Thank you sweetie, you are an angel. I love you very much. Thank you so much” All the uncles smiled and clapped too. Daddy’s so-called ‘Barney boss’ (Uncle Jose is very fair with a huge belly and looks like a bunny rabbit) smiled so wide that he turned all pink. Daddy gently put me down and asked me to wait in his cabin. He then asked one of his office-boys to give me chocolate Horlicks and cashew biscuits, cause I was still weak and had fever. I would have preferred chocolate milk shake.

I waited patiently in his cabin, playing on the laptop till dad came back. He lightly closed the door behind him and walked up to me. I was weak but my smile was broad. He picked me up and hugged me again. He gave me many pecks on my cheeks and then kept looking at me. Then he said, “Siya, you knew I had forgotten the folder at home by mistake, but yet you lied in there?” I grinned and said, “Even if Santa gets upset with me for lying, I am fine. But I would not like Barney uncle to scold you, like my teacher scolds me if I forget my books at home. So I lied.” Dad held me close to him for a long time. He arranged for a driver to drop me home and promised to reach early.

While I lay in bed that afternoon, all alone, I felt very very happy. Finally my letter to Santa had reached God! Dad was going to love me more than he loves mom. I was all smiles through the day and by evening my fever had gone far far away.

Dad and mom came early that evening and we all laughed and played. Dad kept repeating the whole incident to mom umpteen times, as if I was the PowerPuff girl - Blossom - and had done some great job like her. I did all of it only because I love dad. Mom just smiled and smiled some more all the while. It was the happiest day of my life. Everything changed after that day.

I now sleep with mom and dad in their room. In fact I now sleep between them. Lots of my photo frames have joined theirs. Dad puts me to sleep every night and wakes me up too. He then gives me a bath and gets me ready for school. He often picks or drops me too.

Many days have passed now. I am very happy. I do not miss my pink room because it now belongs to Twinkle – my doll. She must be happy to have all the bed by herself.

Today is Saturday, I have no school and Naani has come over to spend time with us. Mom and dad are at Mohan uncle’s house for some card game. I decided it was a good time to shift my clothes to mommy’s closet. But her closet is so full of clothes. Maybe I could replace some of her old clothes with mine. So I picked up a few of them from the lowest rack to place into my cupboard instead. While I was cleaning the second rack, I found a big diary. It was mom’s diary. I know she writes in it sometimes. I have seen her cry when she wrote. I know it is a bad habit to read other’s books, but I want to find out what makes my mommy cry. I took it to Naani and showed it to her. I asked her to read out the sad stories in it. She turned the pages one by one, but stopped at one page which had mom and dad's wedding photo pasted next to it. She read it over and over and her eyes welled up. I asked her to read it aloud. She did not agree, but I insisted….

“Oh Amit...how can I repay you ever...I will always be grateful to you for marrying me inspite of knowing that I was carrying someone else's child. I know you love me....I will be indebted to you forever.”

God knows what that means, Naani said I will understand only when I get older.....I will just keep the diary where it was and bring in my clothes quickly.

... Credits ....

Naani - for helping me write this story.

Santa - for giving my letter to God

Daddy - for loving me soo much

Mumma - for giving me the second rack in your closet

Twinkle, my dolly - for letting me sleep with mum and dad without you.

P.S - I love you too much, Dad.

How Much Do I Love Thee....(Part Two)

We chatted for many hours to follow. Got so lost in each other’s company that we forgot lunch and also that it was time for the kids to return home. I introduced my kids to him and they immediately bonded well. All four of us had lunch together and he left after a while.

This bonding, longing and attraction for each other was blossoming with each passing day. But whatever was happening would leave me troubled and upset at the end of the day. I knew I was wrong. There was no reason for me to get into all this. Was it only attraction? No, it wasn’t, because we never discussed sex. Nor that either of us was sexually inclined to the other. Then why? Could we just not be good friends. Why was this desperate feeling of owning him and not letting him go overpowering me? Was I being too selfish, wanting him to like only me? Did I want to hold on to Rajeev, just to be proud of having someone miss me and love me for almost 10 years and let it continue for some more time? If that was the case I should stop all this at once, I thought to myself. But the reason wasn’t clear. So, I spoke to Rajeev about this and told him my fears and my inner turmoil. He had a very simple explanation. He said, “Sonia, I never demanded anything from you. Nor will I ever do. All I want is this comfort feeling of you being into my life, you liking me and your presence in my life will give me enough reason to carry on. So, you don’t need to bother sweets, just talk to me every day and always be by me. You are my strength.”

I was speechless. I loved every word he said, loved his views, loved the feeling of his immense sincerity towards me. So I decided to let things flow their own course.

Days passed and I was flowing in his love. But being bitter towards my own self. I had been cursing myself for being untrue towards Kirtan. Though I was not cheating on him, but secretly loving someone else inspite of Kirtan, was dampening my loyalty.

Rajeev’s frequent visits to the U.S. were not troubling me anymore. It was kind of accepted by us that life and work had to go on. It was during one such visit of his that I met with an accident. I was admitted to the hospital for a few days to take care of my broken arm, the only significant injury I had. Since my cell-phone and landline went unanswered, frantically Rajeev called up Kirtan. After knowing what had happened, he took the next flight to Mumbai. He rushed to my hospital room and couldn’t help crying. He held my hand and said how upset and scared he was. Ofcourse Kirtan wasn’t around at the time.

On the last day at the hospital, when I was being discharged, the nurse asked me who Rajeev was.

“That sir spent both nights here waiting in the lobby and peeping inside your room every hour to see if you were fine”

I was touched. Since the kids were alone, Kirtan had to be home through the night. So Rajeev was more or less filling in for Kirtan. After this episode my involvement in Rajeev grew manifold and I decided to accept him and this relationship as a part of me, wholeheartedly.

We celebrated birthdays and Diwali and all possible festivals together. I mean he would try to meet me atleast for a day during the festivals and go back to Pune.

He discussed all his problems, his friends, his work….. almost everything under the sun and I shared my things as well. Our friendship was the best thing that could have happened to me, or rather us! We were both very happy in this mutual comfort zone. Rajeev called up on a Friday evening “ Sonia sweets, I need to go back to the US again and guess what this is for a very good reason. I might be promoted to the MD post only if I clear my last interview with Mark Griffith in California. Wish me luck honey, this really is an important step in my career.”

“Hey that’s so cool Rajeev !”, I added.“I want you to go and get this thing done, rather I am sure you will!...Alright…so now it will be Rajeev Kapoor- MD of Griffith and company. ! I hope to see you soon“.

I shared this news with Kirtan on the same night.” That’s really good to know” he said “ I have a splendid news too sweetie” he added. “ I would be leaving for Germany a day after to crack a deal with the Hobners” - Hobners were a major client with Kirtan’s firm – “and if I make it, we would soon shift to a huge duplex flat on Yaari road”

“Really?” I exclaimed excitedly

“Yes darling. We might need to spend around five months in Germany too”

“Splendid!” I screamed

My happiness knew no bounds. I jumped and danced and hummed moving around in Kirtan’s arms.

---

I was done with Kirtan’s packing except for the suit. In my mind I was contemplating over the thoughts of shifting to Yaari road and our Germany visits. “Alright Deutschland, here I come!” I was talking to myself.

It was a known fact that Kirtan was going to crack the deal, after all he was a genius.

He left for Germany and I started looking forward to his return right away and also began dreaming as how I will decorate our future duplex apartment.

Rajeev called me the day before he was to leave.He wanted to meet me and wish him luck personally for his Big day. The kids were anyways going to Manoj’s house to spend the day and I was relatively free. We planned to have lunch at ‘Jazz by the bay’ and then head to ‘The chocolate room’ for desserts. He was to pick me up at 11 am. That gave me barely enough time to get ready. I decided to dress in a bright red saree unlike pastel colours.

At exact 11:00 Rajeev was at the door. I opened the door and asked him to be seated while I quickly marched to my bed room for a quick glance at myself. As I turned back after admiring myself in the mirror he stood there staring at me. "Oh lord you look soo radiant Sonia….i just can’t help envying Kirtan. I shall miss you like crazy. He bent over and placed a peck on my cheeks…but I held him tight and hugged him. I didn’t feel like letting him go. The obvious was bound to happen… our lips met. I could feel his grip tighten as he caressed me. I couldn’t let him go and I wanted more of him. Today none of us wanted to let go of each other. In no time our kiss turned more passionate and nothing could have stopped us. I felt out of this world as his love enveloped me. His touch made me feel special and wanting for more. The fact that it didn’t make me feel bad in the end made me realize that we were truly in love. I felt eternally loved.

---

Rajeev called me before boarding his flight.

“I am so glad I spent yesterday with you. I am darn sure that on my return I will indeed be on the company’s board. It just feels so right! Everything feels right today”

“I know you will. All the best, Rajeev. Bye and take care” Suddenly I felt I was alone, even though Kirtan was calling me everyday. And now Rajeev was also gone.

But I decided to have my own time and made a big “to-do” list which included long spa hours and plenty of shopping. I decided to let the kids have their share of fun too. So, I let Ranvir, my elder son ride his bicycle with his friends to his classes. Normally I dropped and picked him, a fact he didn’t like much and wanted to be ‘an independent big boy’ by cycling with his friends. He was overjoyed and there were tons of “Love you mom” messages on my fridge, my car and even my cell-phone. I was happy too.

One such afternoon, Ranvir left for his classes and a little later I got a frantic call from Mrs. D’souza.

“Mrs. Singh, your son has had an accident. My husband has taken him to Nirmal nursing home. Can you please hurry up, he seems to be critical”

I crashed on the floor. My feet went numb and my brain just refused to work. I was speechless and cold. First thing I knew was that I had to see Ranvir. I hired an auto, cause I wouldn’t have been able to think straight while driving and headed straight to the hospital. One look at Ranvir and his bandaged body sent chills down my spine. I was shivering. I didn’t know where to look and what to do next. Mrs. D’souza was trying to pacify me and asking me to call up Kirtan. I hurriedly looked up my diary for Kirtan’s numbers in Germany. My heart was pounding harder than I had ever imagined. I hoped he answered my call even if he was busy. He answered the phone and I instantly felt relieved after hearing his soothing voice. He said, “Sonu, don’t worry, I shall speak to the doctors right away. Don’t tell me how all this happened, but be sure you will manage everything until I come back. Be strong and trust God. I am leaving immediately. Do you have the ATM cards for both the accounts?”

“Yes, I do”

“Alright, good. Don’t forget the health cards too. Call Sanjay and Manoj. It is better to keep close friends informed in case you need any help. And listen carefully, do not get into any police complaints right now. I will manage when I come over. Take care baby, and just don’t worry. Should I hang up or do you want to talk more?”

“Kirtan,” I asked “but if you wrap up and leave right now, you would miss out on the opportunity with the Hobners. If you want I can call daddy from Delhi and bhaiyya can join too. So, I guess you can stay back and complete your work. After all, that is important too. Plus you would be back in 3 days anyway.”

“Are you crazy jaan, how on earth can I stay here when I know my family needs me the most. I want to be with you guys under any circumstances, be whatever, I don’t care. I am coming home to be with you and the kids. Bye love” he hung up.

I had gathered enough strength and I knew Kirtan could do anything for me.

After a gap of a few hours, Ranvir was coping well with the medications, it was a relief to see him smiling and he signaled, “Sorry mom”. I couldn’t help crying.

I had friends comforting me. Manoj and his entire family was around and so were Sanjay, Deepa, Rahul, Shreya and Saurabh. I felt a bit relaxed and could now gather enough courage to face the situation. I called up daddy in Delhi and asked them to come over the next day. They were panic struck but I was able to calm them down. Manoj offered to stay overnight and advised me to go home. After a series of suggestions about who would stay the night and next day, I was persistent in my decision that I wanted to be by Ranvir and it served the best in this situation. However I was okay to send Ruchika – my daughter – to stay over at Manoj's house. Everybody relented and I thanked them enough for being by me. Friends are like gems, always ready to help in the times of crises.

When everybody had left and Ranvir was sleeping under the influence of pain killers and sedatives, it dawned on me to call Rajeev. Hastily enough I dialed his cell number.

“Oh what a wonderful surprise, Sonia. Didn’t expect you to call. In fact you called just in time. I was about to leave for work and get ready for my big day tomorrow. But why are you sounding so low? Is everything alright?”

I narrated whatever transpired during the day and was in tears again.

“Oh my God! How did this happen? Ranvir is too young to be riding on his own. Have you called Kirtan? When is he coming back? Are your or his parents coming over? See darling, you should have been really careful. Specially during the times when Kirtan is not around. How is Ranvir doing now? Any idea when the hospital will let him go? Hope your friends are there to help you. And how about Ruchika? Who is taking care of her? I can call a couple of my friends from Mumbai and have them come over and see to it that you and Ranvir are well taken care of. You take care of yourself and be strong until Kirtan is there with you.”

I replied to all his concerns and assured that I shall be fine. And I hung up.

Why am I not feeling good about my conversation with Rajeev? He came across as if he were far away from me, not only physically but emotionally as well. He did sound worried but then why did I not feel comforted by his words?. Oh, I get it…he did not offer to come over to be by my side! But why should he anyway? Ranvir is not his son, besides he has got a very important meeting coming up tomorrow. Why would he forego his career opportunity for my kids. He would have definitely flown back if they were his own kids! Yes, that makes sense. My husband is rushing back to me at this moment. For him me and my kids are a priority….topmost priority! Sonia doesn’t exist alone….Ranvir and Ruchika are a part of her….may be Rajeev can never be Kirtan….thats right…Rajeev will always remain a friend and Kirtan my soul…Oh how foolish was I to get carried away…and for what was I doing all of this?...may be the inner ego boost that I received from Rajeev for loving none else but me kept me asking for more in this relationship…

Just then my cell buzzed…it was Rajeev…"Sonia, should I wrap up everything and leave by the next possible flight? I think I should be there with you.”……

“No Rajeev, I shall be alright. Don’t advance your return just for me. Kirtan would be back by morning anyway. Please don’t mix up your priorities….I guess I too need to realise this and set my priorities right…Lets catch up whenever you are back. Bye. And take care…”

How much do I love thee…….

I was never the sort to get carried away by charming men. All that attracted me towards the opposite sex was wisdom, sincerity, wit , a little humor, presence of mind and a know-it-all-attitude to add a few.

I love my husband the most! Probably more than anybody else in the whole world, even more than my own children. We get along like a house on fire. He is my best buddy, buddies buddy, booze buddy, fag buddy and bum buddy too ! Life feels so complete with him around.

Being best pals marked 10 yrs last month. We arranged a grand party. All of our best friends were invited. We had a gala time. Being together so happy for so long was an achievement in itself. I thought what more do I need ? Two wonderful children, a loving husband of 10 years, a sound life, a grand house, my own special lavish car and moreover good health! So touchwood to that and I continued my life in the best company of Kirtan, my husband.

It was around noon and the phone rang. Hurriedly as ever I answered .

“Hey! Guess who?”.........caller.

“Ah, am sorry not able to recollect, but your voice seems familiar”……Me.

“Well, at least you remember my voice, that makes my day”……caller.

“Yeah? But I am not able to recollect, who is calling”? …………….Me.

“Hey Sonia this is Rajeev here.”

What? Rajeev, after such a long time!!

Me and Rajeev were colleagues at work for almost 5 years. He was always very supportive at work and would even fight with the management on my behalf. He was very protective and would pick and drop me sometimes to work if ever I got late. Always the typical “always ready to help in whatever way” kind of friend. But yet he could never be my boyfriend because Kirtan was always in my life. Kirtan was my childhood sweetheart and an obvious companion for me. The whole world knew about us. I liked Rajeev but accepting him more than a good friend never occurred to me. Whereas his occasional comments like “Biwi ho toh Sonia jaisi” and “You are a perfect wife material”, were taken very casually by me.

Nevertheless, I was elated when he called. His voice seemed so nice to hear. My excitement was obvious. My urge to meet him did not go unnoticed. We decided to meet. He was officially visiting Mumbai and so the meeting was finalized. I invited him home.

On the pre-decided day, Rajeev walked in at the perfect given time with a huge bunch of yellow rose-buds, my favourite since college days.

I was surprised he remembered, but somewhere inside I knew he would. Honestly in the heart of my heart I knew he liked me and I loved his company too! But the moment Kirtan would step in my life , Rajeev would take a back seat.

I was dressed in pink. I knew he liked me in pastels. Why was I doing it? I thought....Its nice to look presentable to guests was my inevitable answer.

He glanced at me and said “Gosh you look old ya, a mother of two, ha?..great!! But your smile is just the same” …..“Yes I must admit even after these dentures”...I joked and we both laughed.

He looked just the same. Tall and handsome, same basic blue denims with a crisp white shirt with sleeves folded half way…just the way I always liked. He wore a wonderful perfume and however it may sound but he looked too good to me.

During the general talks I learnt that he hadn’t married for not being able to find a suitable bride. I don’t know why but I was gladdened by this thought. After lunch he left. At the doorstep he gave me my favorite chocolate bar. I loved all his gestures and kept thinking about him through the day, of all that he said to me and the way he looked at me. In the evening Kirtan walked in. I told him the whole episode and also that I was very happy to meet Rajeev. ”Guess you are getting attracted to him ha?” he added jokingly. I was startled ! Was I really? I thought. No way! I assured myself.

Days passed and Rajeev’s occasional calls slowly changed to twice a week and over a period of time we started chatting daily. There was nothing special we spoke about nor were they love talks but we enjoyed listening to each other. “May be we were catching up and making up for the past many years” I told myself.

Every morning I would squeeze out an hour out of my hectic schedule and devote to Rajeev.

As long as the chats were casual I didn’t mind sharing them with Kirtan. He knew about our calls and never restricted me. Things appeared normal until one day Rajeev said he was leaving for the U.S.

“I would be gone for two months”, he said. I was devastated. His timings and mine would not match and we wouldn’t be able to talk so often. This thought troubled me. Unknowingly I said, “Rajeev, I shall miss you”, and I broke down. There was a sharp silence for a few minutes. He didn’t say a word. “I shall miss you too…., missed you too much for all these years!” he added suddenly. Guess this was the only line missing for so long.

“You did?” I asked. “Ofcourse Sonia, I haven’t found anybody like you for so long. I tried avoiding you for a long time, but finally I realized I cannot get you out of my mind. Mumbai was just a reason to visit you. Missed you a lot.”

The few minutes that followed after this conversation had all possible emotions flowing…I felt excited, wanted to cry, smiling to myself at the same time, felt like a teenager, wanted to hop and jump as if I was waiting for his confession.

Just then the doorbell rang. My emotions crashed and reality hit me like a thunderstorm. Kirtan walked in, “Why on earth were you not opening the door sweetie? I have been at it for the past 5 minutes. You are not answering your cell phone either. I got worried. Are you fine darling?” He hugged me and offered a peck on my cheeks, but I did not feel the same love as I always did until lately. Oh my! I thought to myself. I am doing something wrong. Am I cheating on Kirtan. No way, I can’t hurt him. He is my soul.

Though I pretended that things were normal, I could sense a feeling of detachment from Kirtan. A bonding seemed to be budding between me and Rajeev. Which I hated to admit but loved it too.

--

I was getting very uncomfortable with each passing day. Rajeev's impending absence was disturbing me. I was getting anxious, angry, upset and irritable. Anger seemed to be brimming in my every conversation with almost everybody. I was getting cranky for no reason, blasting at kids over any silly matter and was just not at peace with myself. Music has been my eternal soulmate, but it didn’t pacify me either.

Finally I called Rajeev. He was in a shower when he answered my call. I said, “Do you HAVE to go?”

“What?!!!” he asked.

“I will miss you a lot. It is just being too impossible. Honestly, I don’t want you to go.”

He smiled and said, “I am in Mumbai right now. Want to meet you desperately.”

“Come over….” I said ”…in the next half an hour”

“Alright”. The call ended

And sure enough, the doorbell rang after the half hour. He stood at my door looking fresh as ever. I called him in. There was no reason to speak further we thought and we hugged on tight for what felt like an eternity. Tears rolled down our cheeks and Rod Stewart's soft number playing through the open kitchen door seemed so appropriate. “Have I told you lately that I love you...”

We didn’t realize when our lips met without waiting for any invitation. I was setting myself loose. It could have gone further, but he stepped back. “No Sonia, this is not right”

I was shaken too. We spent the next few moments in silence. He walked towards me and said, “I have never loved anyone in my life, like I have loved you. I have only thought about you for the past fifteen years. Nobody can replace you. You are irresistible, beautiful, smart, loving, innocent, child-like and basically a perfect woman to me. I loved everything about you. Your nature, innocence, your attitude and most of all these beautiful eyes. They still hold the warmth for me. I noticed it the very first day we met. I always knew you had a liking for me and also that you couldn’t express because you were committed”

to be continued...

Picture courtesy- loadtr.com

Silence of the unspoken

I had to bury my past! Just get rid of it. All those unnerving, devastating memories had to flow past the drain.

After my work hours I just couldn’t pass through M.G Road for the sheer fear of bumping into him at some chai-paan stall. The same look of disgust in his eyes would make me confer all those silly yet real ‘rascal’ category titles upon him. And, anyway, why pull this veil of sympathy after being dumped? So, I had no way out but to look in for some escapades. Being a girl I could not nurse my wounds in solitude in the normal public places without drawing unnecessary attention. What more safe than a park, I thought. So, every evening 5:30 PM onwards till a little darker shade of the evening, I had to resort to the sole empty half seat of a bench, looking at the crowd. Yes! That’s what I thought, a crowd of inactive jobless people, who have no work but to dig holes into other peoples’ lives. Guess that’s what mostly the oldies do in a park.

So, everyday after I would be done for the day at work, all roads would lead to the park. Daily, I would pass through the bunch of oldies perched upon their benches. Some coochie-cooing youngsters trying to avoid the sight of every passerby. Then there were the middle-aged women chanting away their daughters-in-law, basically forming a complaint zone of like-minded people. Every possible nook and corner of the park was occupied. A little space here and there was taken up by little cranky kids; except one bench! Ah, lucky me! I thought and perched upon it as swiftly as I could. The view presented to me from this bench was neither overwhelming nor soothing, I must say, because all I could see was nothing more than children. Children of all possible ages, crying, whimpering, screaming, howling and dampening the spirit of every individual who was looking forward to a quiet, fresh evening.

So, not bothering much and relenting to the noisy ambience I looked around for some mental peace. At first I noticed all the old men, almost all, looking at me curiously. I glared back and startled them with my rude but honest attitude. ‘Alright, not so bad’, I told myself. I was assuring myself that this scene would not be a part of my life for a very long time. As days would pass, I would get adjusted to this noisy scene just like people get used to local trains. One whiff of the cool evening breeze and my mind was out of this chaos.

Little while later I realized a hand laid on the back of my bench. Obviously enough, it belonged to none other than my immediate neighbour. I didn’t appreciate it much but I had no plans of looking at him right into the eye due to his proximity. But quietly and quickly glancing at his clothes,he belonged to a better class of people for sure. For all the time I spent there I noticed this person’s hand stretched on the resting back of the bench. ‘Never mind’, I thought ‘just one of those times’.

The next day again I marched towards the park and to my surprise all the benches were occupied like a blockbuster movie show. Just then I found my bench. And ooh la la, it was vacant except for my neighbour of yesterday. But little did I care and off I dashed to it. After enjoying the cool breeze for a while I adjusted myself to the noisy sanctity of the park. But to my surprise I could sense this neighbour’s hand right behind me on the seat’s edge again. I thought I shall ignore, since anyway it didn’t touch me.

All I needed was my own space, away from all those friends and relatives who knew about my relationship with Sameer for the past 6 years. Since we had decided to get married soon, getting too close with him was not an apprehension at all. I had actually dedicated my life to him. I was a part of him. But off-late, I had noticed a little change in his attitude. My calls were being casually avoided, our meetings had abrupt endings, he wasn’t so interested in sex anymore, nor was there any enthusiasm in celebrating Valentine’s and birthdays together. As any madly-in-love category girl would, I chose to ignore. But as days passed, the cracks in our relationship deepened. There were fights for no reason. He started making me wait endlessly at theatres for movies, at restaurants for our meetings and slowly he began not showing up at all. That was it! I had thought to myself. So one day after prodding his best friend a bit too much, I got a cue and decided to follow Sameer and see what he was up to after work hours. He drove past a few lanes and parked outside ‘Sea View’ apartments. I was shocked. This was the place where Anandita lived. Anandita was Sameer’s boss, MD of their company and a divorcee. She had a special liking for Sameer. If Sameer would fall for her, he would have a promotion, better salary, lots of foreign trips, perks and of course a flat at Sea View, in an upmarket location with Anandita. She was a very ordinary looking, ill-dressed, messy, outspoken, rude woman and moreover a divorcee. Hooking Sameer was definitely a god-sent for her. Sameer failed for the bait and chose her over me. While I followed him in her apartment, he was totally unaware. When I reached her floor I tried to peep through the drawing-room window. I noticed Sameer’s laptop bag lying on the table, his shoes by the door, his necktie and then I saw his shirt strewn on the sofa too. That was all which was needed for the crack in our relationship to finally deepen and break. I couldn’t cry nor get angry. I didn’t know what to do. I went numb and returned home. The whole night I cried until my eyes couldn’t open. I felt like a storm-stricken victim with no place to go and no help. Friends tried to help but I looked at all the attention as sympathy. I wanted to be away from all. The thought of dying, ending my life, occurred numerous times, but I wasn’t a loser. I wanted to fight back and show him that I was not a doormat one could use and give up. Life was not treating me well for sure, but I was not willing to give in to the gloom. Nursing the pain was not so easy, so I wanted a totally indifferent atmosphere, unknown people and shoulder to cry on. Except the last, I had it all in the park.

My everyday parade to the park continued for a week now. Daily the same scene, same set of people, same scent of the air and the same neighbour with his hand outstretched. It did occur to me at times that I would stroll around but something held me back. Maybe the fear of losing my seat. But surely enough, I could not look to my right, because my vision and view were restricted by the stranger, a well-dressed, neat-smelling man turned towards me as I sat to his left with his left arm over my shoulders. No, not leaning on me, but my backrest. In my heart I did realize he was a decent man. I never heard him speak, snort, sneeze or for that matter, even move. Little did I bother and enjoyed my time. Each passing day was helping me discover a new aspect of my confidence and mental strength. I was trying to fight back each teardrop with a shield of will-power to sustain this cheating and humiliation.

I was swamped with work and got so delayed that I was contemplating of shelving my plans of going to the park. But somehow I had got so used to my routine; I felt the urge to be amidst the crowd, the oldies, lovely children, their innocence and my strange neighbour. Oh, did I say I was missing my neighbour! Why would I miss him? All he did was to look intently at the kids, observed them for hours. He had no friends who would come over and talk to him or no passerby with whom he would exchange a smile. How strange was this stranger? But I guess I missed him because never did I feel a need of a friend besides me, never did I feel alone, never did he disturb me nor did I ever. In these times of my mental trauma, I wanted somebody who would not ask me questions, a silent listener for my unspoken thoughts, help me cope with my agony, vent out my ire, help me get drained in self-pity…..basically just be by my side as an unshaken pillar of strength. And he had done it all. Knowingly or unknowingly he had helped me overcome the residues of my past by just being there. Quietly making me feel secure, yet not intruding my space. I was so overjoyed with this thought that I decided to visit this stranger at the park for the little time I had for the evening.

Off I marched to the park and to my dismay my bench was occupied. I saw a lot of people around my bench. But ‘he’ was still there. I could see a few men trying to do something with him. I slowed my pace and tried hard to find out what was happening. I saw those uncles busy looking in that direction as well. I quickly went over to one of them. As I approached them I could the look of dismay on their faces. I got concerned and so I spoke to one of them, this tiny little grandpa with whom I exchanged smiles daily because he resembled my own grandpa. Actually they all look alike, or so I think.

Grandpa at first looked a little startled at my question. In his shaky voice he asked me,” Don’t you really know?” He could probably read my anxiety and so he explained.

“His name is Anuj. He was married a year ago to his childhood sweetheart, Medha. They were very happy. They had their share of dreams and amen from above, they were soon to step into parenthood. They would visit this park daily, sit on this same bench, look at the children play and at times join them too. They both loved kids. But destiny had different plans. Just two months ago they met with a terrible accident. Anuj lost Medha and their unborn child. He injured his left hand and leg very badly. He has steel rods in both those limbs. He comes here everyday only to nurture those sweet little memories he had with Medha.”

“He has to keep his limbs stretched out all the time, else they pain. So, you must have noticed his hand resting on the backrest of the bench. But his leg couldn’t rest likewise on the bench because you would be seated there. In spite of knowing this, we never came and told you, because Anuj never wanted us to disturb you. He had quietly noticed those tears roll down your cheeks, your troubled face, your listless gaze, and sensed your inner turmoil. He seemed to understand your anger towards all. Often we suggested him to request you to let him rest his leg on the bench. But he would not relent.”

I was dumbfounded. I did not know how to react. Speechless and mocking at my own self! How could I be so rude and ignorant? Here I was nursing my silly sorrows and this man had lost almost all in life yet he was so considerate and unknowingly had healed my wounds.

I stood still, my eyes welled-up and thanking him in my heart I thought this ‘unspoken silence’ had taught me a big lesson in life.

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photo courtesy - Simon Howden

http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/images/view_photog.php?photogid=404